A Tradition That Persists in Modern Marriages
While attending a friend’s wedding in London this summer, I overheard the bride joyfully sharing her new surname, which happened to be her husband’s. As someone who identifies as nonbinary, I felt a familiar mix of frustration and disbelief. Why does this practice persist?
Even in 2025, the vast majority of women still adopt their husband’s last name after marriage while men almost never do the same.
A Washington Post survey found that 80 percent of married women in the UK and US take their spouse’s surname, compared to just 5 percent of married men. Data from the UK Deed Poll Office shows that 85.7 percent of those who change their name after marriage are women, with only 14.3 percent being men. In Japan, as of 2019, 95 percent of married women took their husband’s name, largely due to a legal requirement that married couples share a surname.
Why Does This Tradition Persist?
Part of the answer lies in social expectation. Many women still feel pressured by family, friends, or tradition to take their husband’s name. Refusing to do so can be seen as defiant or unromantic in conservative circles.
Some women cite practical or emotional reasons and argue that sharing a surname simplifies family life or symbolizes unity. Yet, for those who don’t fit into traditional gender roles, the uncomfortable question is why a man’s name automatically is considered the “family” name, while a woman’s is treated as disposable?
Whose Name Defines the Family?
The tradition of women taking their husband’s surname is a remnant of patriarchal history. Historian Amy Erickson notes that there is “nothing either ancient or romantic” about the practice. It emerged from medieval England’s law of coverture, which stripped married women of their legal identity and property rights, subsuming them under their husbands. This practice spread through British colonization and became the norm in many Western countries by the late 19th and early 20th centuries.
Even today, children are almost always given their father’s surname by default, and this reinforces the idea that family identity is passed through men. Gender equality activist Shelley Zalis puts it bluntly that “Taking your partner’s name has roots in patriarchal history, and it still affects how women are seen personally and professionally.”
As someone who identifies as nonbinary, I find this tradition problematic. My surname is the only link I have to my mother’s family. Would I give that up simply because tradition dictates that a man’s name takes precedence? Many women today are asking the same question.
Why Don’t Men Take Their Wives’ Names?
The rarity of men adopting their wives’ surnames is no accident. It’s a cultural norm so ingrained that men who consider it often face ridicule or disbelief. Even actress Zoë Saldana admitted she warned her husband against taking her surname, telling him, “You’re going to be emasculated by… your [male] community.” He did it anyway, becoming Marco Perego-Saldana, and dismissed critics with a defiant, “I don’t give a sh*t.”
This reaction highlights how strongly tied a man’s surname is to his identity and social standing. When a man takes his wife’s name, it challenges expectations, and many people don’t know how to respond.
Turkey: A Battle for Basic Rights
In Turkey, the fight for name equality has been particularly fraught. Until recently, Article 187 of the Turkish Civil Code required women to take their husband’s surname, allowing them to use their birth name only if they filed additional paperwork. Women like Oya Ersoy, a human rights lawyer, fought this rule for decades. She recalled seeing “nothing left of mine except my first name” on her ID after marriage.
The Turkish Constitutional Court only struck down Article 187 in April 2023 and ruled that it violated the principle of equality. Yet, as of late 2024, parliament has still not passed new legislation to replace it. The ruling party initially proposed a reform that would have forced women to combine their maiden name with their husband’s. However, this provision was removed from the final version of the 9th Judicial Reform Package, leaving the issue in legal limbo.
Changing Times: Women and Couples Forging New Paths
Despite tradition, change is happening. More women are keeping their maiden names, especially among younger generations and in progressive circles. Many cite professional identity or social media presence as reasons to retain their surname. Women in academia or medicine, for example, often keep their names to preserve the reputation tied to their work.
As someone who identifies as nonbinary, I chose not to sacrifice my name for tradition, and my partner agreed. I hope that one day, the question of why women change their names but men don’t will be met with confusion, and the answer will simply be, “They don’t, not anymore.”